Dammit, where's a sound engineer when you need one

This problem comes up a surprisingly awful lot. I have suspicion that this is faked somehow.


Mario Theme Played with RC Car and Bottles

Continuing the vein of the Mario Theme played in awesome ways.

Because I didn't turn up to Uni today (i'm a terrible, terrible person) I've posted some extra stuff for youse guys. Enjoy!

Hilarious litigatory action

Not at all hot.

Funny though!

First, this. This is the one making the rounds on the WEB 2.0 (policy dictates this is always capitalised) or the Intertubes, as I believe it's called. It's a little dry and technical at the start and middle:

D323643 is the least dissimilar to the Tartan connector of any of the patents, and stands as an obstacle to any claim of infringement of the others because it establishes prior art; if its scope, like the others, is granted the breadth you argue for, then the Tartan connector falls plainly under the prior art and cannot constitute an infringement of the later, and more dissimilar, patents. Read the patents narrowly, and Monster loses; read them broadly, and Monster loses. You are welcome to point out any error in my reasoning; but I have to say that I will be unreservedly surprised if you are successful in doing so.

In legal terms, that's known as a ZING!

But get through that and the man decides to go and tear them a new one:

It may be that my inability to see the pragmatic value of settling frivolous claims is a deep character flaw, and I am sure a few of the insurance carriers for whom I have done work have seen it that way; but it is how I have done business for the last quarter-century and you are not going to change my mind. If you sue me, the case will go to judgment, and I will hold the court's attention upon the merits of your claims--or, to speak more precisely, the absence of merit from your claims--from start to finish. Not only am I unintimidated by litigation; I sometimes rather miss it.

Bahahahahhahahahah.*wipes tear* I nearly fell over my chair when I read that. Good times.

Second, more historical piece: Arkell v Pressdram, or how to say fuck off in legal proceedings properly.

If you hate Wiki for some ungodly reason:

[The plaintiff, Arkell, was the subject of an article relating to illicit payments and so sued the defendant magazine Pressdram.] The magazine had ample evidence to back up the article. Arkell's lawyers wrote a letter in which, unusually, they said: "Our client's attitude to damages will depend on the nature of your reply". The response consisted, in part, of the following: "We would be interested to know what your client's attitude to damages would be if the nature of our reply were as follows: Fuck off".

I look forward to more hilarious legal mischief.

Silly observations

Food crisis, shmood crisis. I'll eat the same as I ever did.

I find it astonishing (and quite frankly, appalling) that I would commit what might be regarded as borderline acts of starvation or malnutrition, all for the sake of short-term convienence. The fact that I have been doing this for several just compounds the madness of this.

Be advised: boundless human curiousity without adequate and appropriate scaffolding will kill you, or at the best, lead you to slow, drawn-out half-death. However, it's goddamn fantastic inbetween.

Tomatoes

I recently had an experience while chopping tomatoes that readers may find a little disturbing. However, in the interests of posterity, i'm recording this as a not-so-weird reminder on my life.

The scene: a kitchen. The players: Me, a knife and a tomato. The play: replete with erotic (sub)text.

I started chopping this tomato to put onto my bread. Everything seemed normal. I picked up the knife and began. There seemed nothing unusual about this; I should note however that the knife was serrated.

From the moment I started cutting, something happened. The way the knife plunged into the tomato was unmistakably arousing; the sound of that red flesh being gently sawn apart was electrifying. This was crazy.

My breathing slowed; the heart raced. The dawn huskiness crept into my voice. I deliberately slowed down cutting as to continue that soft, sibilant hiss of the knife slowing cutting that tomato apart.

And when I was finished cutting that first tomato, I did it all again for a second one.

Don't mind me, it's just the solanine talking

Green potatoes and bargains, that is.

You know, the number of things that I find myself complicating really grows rather large. I've made the supermarket my latest paramour; commerce, especially banal commerce, is ever so thrilling and complicated. You know that crazy guy who walks around the supermarket a lot, talking to himself, looking at things, putting them away, then coming back, going away, and eventually leaving either purchasing a) tubers b) dairy product or c) nothing? I'm that guy.

The economic and moral opportunities (starvational challenges, more like) presented to me in supermarkets are somewhat absorbing. I've stood in front of a dairy section for about half an hour once, debating silently, and sometimes not so silently, what kind of soy juice to buy (if indeed, anything at all is purchased).

Minor changes to the place. I'm wondering what to do as regards archives; given that i've got more visitors to this place (hullo!), I'm thinking about changing the availability of archives. However, that seems to involve a bit too much effort on my behalf, and frankly, at time of printing (how marvellously quaint), I don't care. My one advice is not read too far back, lest you wish your senses assaulted.

Goddamn, I was emo back then. And a terrible writer. That must be how Goethe felt.

I kid, I kid. I'm sure Goethe was better than that. He was German, and I am not.

Resource-rich: or the intoxication. I like it when money is given in physical form. I love the rich (entendres abound) corporeal feel, the usefulness of its instrumentalism. It even distracted from thinking about those sexy kids...

For about 10 seconds. Then it came back.

I think i've had a long day, though I very much doubt it. I'll say this much: smart people are rad. Maximal trust signals maximal return, though i'm inclined not to play that with an economics student. Or me.

I have something else (to my standards, oddly disturbing. I'll venture that others probably find it confusing, but not dangerous. It's funny that things that are truly disturbing and dangerous is what I indulge in, and I refuse to give these up. Yet, i'll gladly embark on half-hearted crusades [A weak Pope, you see] to eradicate my more wholesome desires) to write about. It's about a little encounter I had with tomatoes.

This week sure has me with a lot of run-ins with the nightshade family.

I've said too much, and not all of it well enough. I'll be good.

Shit be going down in Harare, Sir

Good news!

Mugabe (and his party, more accurately) recently lost control of Zimbabwe's parliament, ceding control to the MDC. Huzzah! Now, i'm not one to get theological on you, but may he rot in Hell. Depressingly odious man.

In other news, my philosophy of law lecturer (The awesome Rick Benitez, or rb, for short [NB: his abbreviation, not mine]) actually used the word theosophical in class! Properly, even! The heart sings.

It sure can