A day of madness, and Thom Yorke.

Fuck.

On to more important things, i.e. ME, MYSELF and did I mention ME?

Err, yeah. Watched stupid, stupid movie (You wasted a couple of hours of my life, Mintie!!!) then comfort eating. Mmmm, comfort eating...

It's wonderful that I have several comfort foods right now. It ranges from chocolate (I mean like icing chocolate) to vanilla icecream, with chocolate topping.

Alright fine, there is no vanilla icecream.

But seriously, comfort foods rock. Unhealthy as hell, but they ROCK.

I'm SO going to have a self-destructive habit like a couple of years down the line. Expect me to be either be smoking, drinking, or God forbid, exercising. Or if he/she really hates me, some fucked-up combination of the three.

You know, I'm incredibly tired. Which evil little energy sapping goblin sonofagun (ooh, how clever) visited today? oh, it's him. I call him George. Hi George. Say hi to George everyone *waves*

Anyway, hope you all have a fan-freaking-tastic time. Night.

Guh?

Ok, considering that I didn't get enough sleep, and me being nervous and edgy the whole damn day, I guess something had to snap. Why did it have to be my brain?

I've only been able to think in monosyllabiac nonsense, such as 'muh fuh guh muh zuh zu?' which roughly translates into, 'Gah ze meh la feh.'

With my mental capacity as to being so low as to have trouble with such minor activities as say, blinking, I look quite odd. Here I am, standing, trying desperately to blink, but never quite reaching there, so I look like my eyes are perenially twitching. In the meantime, I lose control over bodily functions, so I start frothing at the mouth like some rabid beast.

So here I am, looking like some rabid psychotic weirdo, who looks like he's very very lost, and could someone please give him some decent directions back to, well, anywhere.

But seriously folks, rabid psychotic weirdos deserve love too, cause this one knows where you live.

That aside, Utterly brilliant comic

Have a good day all.

Can a deterministic Compability view even truly exist in the epistemological sense, or is it mere sophistry?

If that didn't make any sense, good. It isn't meant to. I'm deliberating playing around with large words. It's pomo :P

Wasted a perfectly good weekend, though really, I wasn't really in a good mood. Shame I guess.

Holidays are coming, and a song tells me that it's better in the holidays, so it must be better. Though it never specified what was better. Meh, small point.

Should do work now. Night.

Sugar hangovers....

I didn't actually think they existed.

Did nothing, finally finished Pratchett, have no idea why I was so lax with the damn thing.

All interested in philosophy, I miss arguing, I miss the big words, I miss the general musing about all things great and small. Think i'll start reading about economic philosophy and some political philosophy, then something on God. There's lots of things to do.

Oh yeah, there's also that school thing that I should really follow.

And how fucking good is Franz Ferdinand!?!?

Otherwise, spend your time figuring out whether God exists. Here's a site to help you Bye now.

Comfort.

I don't really have that feeling of security nowadays. that simple feeling of happiness, that feeling of joy of being with people.

I only feel secure, I mean really secure in a few places nowadays. In school, it's not a true type of security, it's more of a blatant disregard for people. I don't give a fuck about other people, so I can be as harsh or as retarded as I want, purely because I don't care about the consequences. That's why I have trouble fitting into YAB. I'm very afraid of hurting people, offending their sensibilites, though I'm slowly starting to figure out things. It's pretty much all social psych, and I barely looked at that.

And I figured why I like postmodernism so much. I AM postmodernism. Literally. I have a postmodern personality, postmodern habits, everything about me is postmodern. I steal habits. I pilfer mannerisms. I stole Jareds physical possessions and his creativity. I stole Bob's odd ability of meaningful meaninglessness and wit. I stole min-taec's taste in music, books and his mode of speech. I stole the finger trick off a girl in business week. I never really realised that I steal so many things. It's so crazy. I'm pretty much trying to analyse every part of me to see if any part of me is original. I don't think so.

But postmodernism is cool for the whole nothing new, yet it is thing.

Only problem with this is if you're an empiricist, so consequently, every person is a postmodernist. But that's not really the point :P

Words of love and words so leisured
Words of poisoned darts of pleasure
Died and so you died

High off chocolate and good music. Would have liked to talk to some one, but oh well. I'll try and go to sleep before the high crashes and being in the whole emotionally vulnerable state, I don't particularly want to be there. For the record, yes still super-uber happy :)

Beautiful boys on a beautiful dancefloor
Michael, you're dancing like a beautiful dance whore

How cool is that?

Au revoir, everybody.

Atleast i'm trying.

The super-happy insaneness is still sorta there, i'm going to see if I can keep it atleast till tomorrow.

A little tired today, threw me off. Still listening to ultra-upbeat music to keep me going, it's all good.

Oh what joy for every girl and boy
Knowing they're happy and they're safe

I should do some research into something, savants seem like an interesting topic I think. Otherwise, bye.

I think, therefore I am a hat.

Best line ever, dammit.

It's always better on holiday
So much better on holiday.

I'm STILL happy/insane! can you believe it? Three whole days! The truth is, that actually IS a record :P

I've actually had three bad days, but I'm been in a uber-brilliant mood, which is cool. My brain shut down yesterday, without me asking it to, which isn't very nice of it I think.

And exercise actually works! can you believe it? all this while, i've just been thinking, 'What?! people willingly do that to themselves?! what for? To get fit?! are they insane?!' I actually do feel better, which is kinda creepy...but good.

And why didn't anyone tell me Bob was on MSN!? *sigh* damn useless people...

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right

How cool is that song?!

Alright, i'll stop it here with the general I-can't-find-a-suitable-adjective-to-describe-this and end this here. Bye bye all.

Things are ever so bad, and i'm oblivious to them.

I'm just in this ever so happy mood, it's really quite insane. Considering you all probably don't have much of an idea on why the hell i'm so retardedly happy (cause I don't have much an idea myself) i'll treat you all to a looong post.

To tell you the truth, I haven't had the best past few days.

The weekend was somewhat of a mess. Saturday, I didn't enjoy it quite as much I thought I would. I hadn't eaten enough that day, the heat was probably a little oppressive, and well, something went wrong. I was feeling a little detached and the stuff that we talked about that day, and what happened, it set something off.

Did anyone actually get the allusion that I made on Saturday? I'm presuming you're all familiar with the phrase, 'To open a can of worms', and what do you go fishing with? Know what I was fishing for, and why I didn't want to?

I ended up crying that night, and I went into some odd little tirade in my head to make myself feel worthless so that I wouldn't have to tell anyone.

On Sunday, I also started being fairly masochistic, in order to increase the self-loathing. Ever done the rubber band on the wrist thing to yourself? stick a rubber band on your wrist and snap it. Keep doing it for a few hours. It hurts. I ended up getting this nice streak of blue bruises across my left wrist, and another streak of red across my right wrist. At one point, I was damn close to cutting my wrists in order to heighten the pain, but couldn't. (I had the knife pressed to my skin, but didn't have the physical or mental strength to make that final cut.)

I didn't do much that day. I got out of the house, went to a park to brood. Stuck around there for a few hours, penned down lyrics of a couple Beck songs, wrote a couple of bad poems and drew really really badly. I mean BAD. In the end, decided that I would try and actually do something, rather than agonise.

The difference here and when i've had a depressive episode in my life is that this time, I was able to remember the good times I've had as well as the bad. I'm not quite ready yet in order to give up entirely.

And this after missing my iron pills for three days now.

However happy I seemed to be today, it was fake. A farce. A visage. A facade. A charade. A chicanery. It was that irrelevant, irrevenant, type of happiness that children face. A sort of disrespectful, childlike bliss. Ignorant bliss, you could say. It was actually a bad day, but it's just that I was in a good mood. I'm going to try my hardest to actually try and do something, to try and meet new people, to explore things.

I'm going to lots of new places. I'm going to try and find new things. I'm going to try. I want you to be there with me.

If that didn't make too much sense, what did you expect? it's me talking :P.

Either way, enjoy whatever little sense this made, I'm in a ectastic mood right now, there isn't much that can get me down.

Tell me your secrets,
Ask me your questions,
Oh let's go back to the start...

I do love you all so very much.

Goodbye, Ladies and gentlemen.

...

It's nothing that I haven't seen before
But it still kills me like it did before
No it's nothing that I haven't seen before
But it still kills me like it did before

Do you really need to know?

Think about that one.

Well, if I ever need to go fishing, which I better damn well not, atleast I have bait.

Well, yeah. Cya, I guess.

Banjos

There's a banjo in Sexx Laws actually.

Today was random and angsty and generally cool, though with the whole failing of the maths and all was not so good.

Neptune's lips taste like fermented wine

Everything seems to be fun-filled and busy and Midnite vultures rocks.

I'll leave you graffiti where you've never been kissed

Night all.

No no no no no no no no.

That was cathartic :P

Bad day, and nothing really seems to make it better.

And where did all this resentment come from?

Let's just chalk this up as a bad day and leave it at that.

Night all.

Needless, yet needed.

Maslownian Hierarchy of Needs.

Physiological - This is most basic of all needs, and translates roughly into food, water and shelter. It should be noted that food should be considered as a balanced diet, clean drinking water and adequate shelter. Once this need has been satisfied, it progresses onto security.

Security - In this stage, the person's needs are that of physical and mental (though this is debated) security. That is, the person needs to feel safe from physical and mental harm. Once this is achieved, the person then progresses onto Belonging.

Belonging - Also known as the love stage - This stage, the persons requirements are that he/she feels that they belong somewhere, to a group, if need be. Attitudes and identities need to be consistent. People in this stage often feel the need to label themselves, and others around them. When people feel that they belong somewhere in society, they tend to progress to esteem.

Esteem - Esteem relates to both self-esteem and esteem recieved from others. In this stage, people need to have both self-confidence and self-respect for themselves, and have their opinions/values/beliefs respected by others. Once a sufficient level of esteem has been reached, the person progresses onto self-actualisation.

Self-actualisation - Once a person reaches this stage, he/she is considered to be self-actualised. This means that he/she has achieved their maximum potential possible as a person. Thinking and logic processes tend to refined and accurate, opinions and values are highly developed. These people often are considered intellectuals by others, and frequently pursue intellectual careers.

Well, crap.

The whole lack of sleep thing caught up with me today, and I ended up napping for the better part of about 2 and half hours. No, this is not good.

The death toll in Spain has gone up to over 200.

Stoop and you'll be stepped on; stand tall and you'll be shot at.

Still behind on everything, and that's kinda annoying.

NIght all.

Something useful out of somewhere you wouldn't expect.

I could not master
iambic pentameter
so I wrote haiku


utter brilliance.

I know all except myself.

Had a lazy weekend, though I was far too energetic, finished Dark Materials.

I'm screwed for maths, I have happy memories now, and well, i'm slipping back into that whole "I have a bajillion things to do" mindset, which I need to sort out and figure.

Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds.

Au revoir.

Need to get Big Red...

People shaved heads, stenciled e's on them, and were shamelessly exploited today. When doesn't that happen?

Had fun watching Intolerable cruelty, George Clooney is really starting to appeal to me as an actor, might invest in him sometime soon.

Yay, was forced to reevaluate everything I know, life is so fun.

Night all.

Mmm, emo...

Teeheehee. No i'm not insane yet...though the doctor said not to skip the pills.

People got their head shaved, though a little more forethought and planning probably should have gone into it, but twas good nevertheless.

Now, I have to do like forty different things. Bah.

How can you not like Hans Blix?
Cept for the weird name, but still...

Need to do....something.

Not really :P

Emotionally swinging, found out I love treadmilling, and probably going to try and switch to Waitara fitness.

Happy? not really. Energetic? yes. Means I'm happy? yeah it does.

Way too flighty to really concentrate, umm something interesting yeah.

because friends don't waste wine when there's words to sell.

Faith and Solidarity.

Damn that bastard Freud.

You either conquer your fears, or your fears conquer you.

Hey, my brain stopped working. Is that a good thing?

Why did it get so hot?

Was there a meeting or a memo or something sent out?

Didn't really feel the heat till about half way through afternoon english. Now, Why is it so god-forsakingly hot?

Enjoy my little dramatisation there.

Can't really think of anything, heat's sapping my energy and it's getting a little difficult to think.

Bye all.

A random thought or two.

Been thinking a bit lately, think I should stop.

I haven't really had a long post on this thing in a while. If you're hoping to find one now, don't bother. If you're not, even better. I'm not really into the long, meaningless soliloquays right now.

I've been talking to myself a lot. I talk to myself for atleast 2-3 hours a day, and more sometimes. I don't talk to myself out loud per se, though that happens sometimes, but what usually happens is that I either subvocalise or my lips move a little, but no sound comes out. Sometimes, I get incredibly absorbed like this, and I don't notice things around me at all. A lot of the time, I imagine that i'm talking to a friend, that they're there next to me, and I'm saying things to them.

I don't really know what this means. Does it mean I feel like talking to people, but don't, for some reason or another, or am I going insane?

I'm really unsure of myself at this moment in my life. For example, in the personality quiz I couldn't answer most of those questions, as I'm not too sure about them. I either don't know how I would behave in those situations, and I have a feeling that I could change how I do behave. I talk about myself a lot when i'm alone. I don't really know my capabilites, my strengths, my weaknesses. I'm not sure how to proceed to find out either. I guess my best way would be psychoanalyse myself, but that has it's own intrinsic problems.

That's all I going to say for now, I don't want to say too much here.

Hope you enjoyed my slight revealing of my inner turmoil. Either expect me to open up completely or shut up completely.

The New absolutely melts my heart everytime I hear it. It's akin to listening Sea Change, but just different enough not to be the same. Great song.

Have fun everyone.

Cooking and cleaning.

Cleaned, cooked, we need more range in our activities.

I need to learn more korean.

Take care.

Of mice and midgets.

I've always preferred the former to the latter.

That's all from me.

Annyong-haseyo. *waves*

You can tell that i'm a good mood. Listening to Odelay, been a damn long while since I have listened to it. So poppy.

Feeling very open right now, if you want to know something, ask me NOW. I've finally uncovered years of repression and neglect, it's so...nice.

Thanks. Thanks for everything.

Just that much better.

"That's the duty of the old," said the Librarian, "to be anxious on the behalf of the young. And the duty of the young is to scorn the anxiety of the old."
They sat for a while longer, and then parted, for it was late, and they were old and anxious.

And that, my friends, is poetry.

It's off the first book of the Dark Materials series, simple read which I should have read much earlier, but didn't.

Enjoying everything just that little bit more right now.

We live in a placid island of ignorance amongst the black seas of infinity.

Drugs. It's all about the drugs.

THANK YOU FOR THE STRESSBALL.

It fucking rocks.

But yeah, tarded and all, see what happens.

utterly painful, insanely tired, very repressed *sigh*.

That was tiring.

Was too goddamned tired today, I really shouldn't bitch, but I will. I always seem to need more sleep, and never seem to have enough energy.

Oscars was good/meh, I have work to do, and I need to start fixing up my life. I've been saying that too much for me to believe it nowadays.

Need to sink myself into some sort of pseudo-intellectual hobby, or some sort of creative one.

Go listen to Interpol or something. I certainly can't be bothered to speak.