With strings that tie to you (8)

Though i'm in a completely different mood then what the title suggests (I'm actually listening to Franz Ferdinand), felt I should write something up about myself, as evidently I don't do quite enough of that already. Meh, this may come in handy a couple of years from now as sensational material to sell to some poor sap.

Ah yes, Piscourse. Possibly one of the most quixotic friendship/relationship i've ever experienced(I do believe the superlative is appropriate here, unless you can see into the future. If so, call me.) Yes, past events leading to current friendships is odd enough, but this...this is ODD. Very, very confusing. I like him as a friend; that isn't in dispute. We get along each other ridiculously well. Hell, i've even been able to get emotional with him; a little bit of understanding here, a little bit of probing there, and swish, he's mine.

But there's the rub; Do I really want him just a friend, or something different? (I refrain from using the traditional 'more', as that would be placing undue credit.) I mean, I would say that I like him, and even love the boy, in the true meaning of the word; but do I? The very facts seem to say no: a) I treat him like so much property, granted property that I absolutely adore and look after with great detail, but property, MY property, nevertheless, and the fact b) I treat him with so much respect as to call him a boy. Aside from the obvious Freudian(not to mention the paedophilic ones) implications, does it truly mean I respect him? Do I even think he's worth that much? But again, this probably does probe the deeper questions of my own thoughts on the whole murky business of relationships in general.

To be truthful, I do find him moderately attractive; he has those pretty blue eyes, that tousled hair and that goddamn sexy body, which looks even better glistening. But...Sex? Really, SEX? That just seems off...something instinctively and intuitively incorrect about it. It's the whole I find him sexy, but wouldn't want to have sex with him thing (Doesn't that fly in the face of ladder theory?) But, touch, yes. Oh my yes. Again, why? Comfort, deeper attachment, pleasure? But the latter lead back to sex, so at an impasse again.

Developing schizophrenic views towards everything probably isn't such a good idea. Fun, though. I don't know where this fits n the general psychological views of things

All this 'soul-searching' has really only lead me onto a few things: You have too much energy, both psychic and physical to waste on trivialities such as these; You REALLY should be doing schoolwork; and that intuition may be more important that what you estimated...though what i'm doing now makes perfect sense, rationally.

And the wonderful part of this is that I haven't even tried the Quality approach yet. Haven't expanded that far yet. Will set as goal. Night.