I've just had an okay (which right now means fucking brilliant) day turn into a wonderful (which means this one ain't gonna come again for a long while) day.
Today has felt incredibly long, and yet it's already 9.30. I went to school and found out circus was cancelled. Came back home, music loaded (which basically means I'm going to listen to everything I have ) and then headed back to school for pointless sideshow crap.
Met jared, bob and carla at school, walked around looking at crappy little acts of sideshow stuff, while simultaneously showing off my deformed juggling skills.
Said goodbye to appropriate people, Bob and Jared decided to stay for dance thingy, have fun.
To tell you the truth, I really rather not go to the states. I'd much rather stay here with you guys and spend more time with you all, but I'm trying to be more rational and I realise I'm not going to get this type of chance later in life, so I want to make the full use of this opportunity. I know that's selfish and all, but you can forgive me for that.
I'm going to have to put my feelings on hold for six weeks. I don't know how the hell I'm going to do something of that magnitude. I have a feeling I can, but I'm usually wrong. When you think you can do something, you're probably right. For me, if I think I can, I'm wrong. If I think I can't, I'm probably right.
I just have this nagging feeling of unsatisfaction over today. It's just odd; I thought it's just the overhanging feeling of unsatisfaction I usually have. But it's different. It's not so much as things could have been better; It's things should have been better.
I'm just fretting a lot right now. I'm worried sick over some people and over myself. I know everything will work out and all, but it's really hard for me to be optimistic after everything that's happened and after losing this much energy. I suddenly ran out of energy around 7ish today, feel really tired now.
Do you ever have that feeling when you get completely immersed in something? like for example, when you're reading, the book is just that good that you just keep reading and reading and then notice a few hours have passed and you haven't noticed a thing? it also occurs when you're writing. I can only remember it happening to me: It was year 7 or year 8. I was writing an essay or something for the Book The Cay (it's a half-decent book, probably worth reading) Mrs. Freney said it was very good. I thought it was actually pretty bad, but I never realised how much passion I had really put into it. I read it again and I realised I had done a half-decent job. I haven't had that feeling in a long while, reading or writing. I have flashes of inspiration, but nothing sustained and emotive enough for me to write anything worthwhile. I think it has to do with self-actualising. I'll explain that later. Either ask me or I'll throw it up at some other time. I can't do it now cause I have to go now and I'm a little too tired.
That was just a little thing that I wanted to get rid off, it's been on my mind somewhat recently.
Bah. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. So will every one else. I'm leaving soon, so don't worry about me at all. *hugs for you all*
I just saw Min-taec on MSN and talked to him a little so I'm happy. I'm music loading as we speak, I'll spend some more time music loading and then I'll go pack some more.
I can't think of anything to write about, I'll update extensively in the states and email and whatever else I can think of. I doubt I'll ever see any of you on MSN due to time differences (it's something like 14 hours), but it'll all be good.
Understand this, everyone: I don't keep anything from you that I don't keep from myself. I'm as honest with you as I could possibly be honest.
Do you realize that you have the most beautiful face
Do you realize we're floating in space -
Do you realize that happiness makes you cry
Do tou realize that everyone you know someday will die
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round
To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.
Bye bye everyone. Have a happy holidays.
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