On the subject of memories.

I've been tinkering around my memory a little, selective memory is really quite a bitch.

I frequently wipe memories and replace them with other things, usually things like politics, psychology, news, etc, etc. The reasoning is this: what is so damn interesting about my life? I mean, my past is so boring. I can't think of a single experience that was special to me. Every 'significant' memory I have never really seems that significant.

I can't think of an instance where i've had a unique memory. Something that only I would ever experienced, something that is truly unique to me. I cannot think of a single memory that is unique to me in that way.

The two methods I use to wipe memories is either feelings overlay or direct wipes. If I have a memory (these are old memories, my newer ones I don't denote any emotion) that has no appreciable emotion attached to it, if I find that the memory is uneeded, useless, etc, etc, I usually overlay the memories with feelings of annoyance, sadness, misery, etc. This consequently leads me to think less about those memories, as they cause me pain. This would lead to the eventual loss of the memory.

The second method is a little harder, and is usually used for larger, more 'important' things. Here, I start reliving a memory, and in the middle of it, stop, wait, and start thinking about something else. Eventually, I'm able to wipe the memory completely, even emotions. However, this method takes a while, and also requires a lot of willpower.

My newer memories are somewhat more problematic. Due to the fact that I don't attact any emotional connotations to them, they hang somewhat hazily. They don't quite stay anywhere. If I have to recall, I intellectualise and start remembering as a third person experience rather than a subjective memory. It stops becoming a memory and rather becomes more a story than anything.

I think I know why I do this. I have little or no emotional control, and so memories are strong emotional responses. With emotions, I either take in everything, which often leads to a breakdown of my mental system or I take in nothing. I often find it easier to reject all my emotions rather than try and deal with all of them.

Whatever memories I do have, they're crystal clear. For example, the day that I met Bob (And yes, I have tried to wipe this, in the middle of wiping, I stopped and decided not to, profusely sorry about that) I can remember almost every single detail of that day. Hell, if I tried to, I could probably remember what I ate that day. I remember what the weather was like, I remember what I said, how I reacted, almost everything.

Another thing is that I don't value any one event more than any other event. I find that things that endure mean more to me than does any one single event. I find the sum of things more worthy than any one thing.

That's all I can think of of my memories, long-winded crap does get boring. Got nothing else, I still have two hours, I should be able to get atleast most of my music listened to.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I bid thee adieu.